Guide
Bi Curious With a Partner? Your Options
No judgement, no lectures: the honest ways forward.
Being bi curious while you have a partner or spouse is common, and it is not a betrayal: a feeling is not an act. What matters is what you do next. You can explore the feeling on your own, talk to your partner, explore together as a couple, or agree an open arrangement. Acting on it in secret is the option most likely to hurt you both.
This guide walks through each of those, for the curious partner and for the one who has just been told.
Curious Does Not Mean Unhappy
Plenty of people notice an attraction to their own sex, or to more than one sex, years into life with a partner. Sometimes it has been there for a long time and only now feels safe to look at. Sometimes it arrives out of nowhere. Neither means things are failing between you or that you have been living a lie. Attraction to someone else, of any gender, is part of being human; people in happy couples notice other people all the time and choose what to do about it.
It also does not mean you have to pick a label tonight. Bi curious simply means you are curious. If you want the words, read what bi curious means and Am I bisexual?.
Four Honest Ways Forward
- Sit with it for a while. Read, think, notice what you are drawn to and what you are not. Nothing has to happen yet, and plenty of people find that knowing is enough.
- Talk to your partner. It is the conversation most people dread and the one that most often goes better than feared. Pick a calm moment, talk about yourself rather than about them, and say what you do and do not want. “I have been realising I am curious about men, and I want to be honest with you about it” is a good place to start.
- Explore it together. Some couples find the curiosity is shared, or that one partner is happy to be part of it. On My Bisexual Secret you can join as a couple with one shared profile and meet men, women or other couples together. Our page on bisexual couples covers how that works.
- Agree an open arrangement. Some couples agree that one or both of them can meet other people, within rules they set together: who, where, how often, what you tell each other afterwards. It works when the rules are real and both of you chose them.
What these four have in common is consent. Each one keeps your partner’s choices in their own hands.
How to Bring It Up Without Blowing It Up
- Choose your moment. Not in a row, not after a drink too many, not as a confession at midnight. A quiet evening when neither of you has to rush off.
- Start with what has not changed. If you want to stay together, say so first and mean it.
- Be specific about what you are asking for. Is it just telling them? Exploring together? An open arrangement? Your partner can only respond to something clear.
- Expect questions, and some hurt. Give them time. A first reaction is rarely the last word.
- Do not ask for an answer that night. Agree to talk again in a few days.
If Your Partner Is the Curious One
If your partner or spouse has just told you they are bi curious, the fact that they told you matters. It took trust. Their attraction to other genders says nothing about their feelings for you; our guide for partners explains why. You are allowed your own feelings, your own questions and your own limits, and you get a say in what happens next.
Private Is Not the Same as Secret
We take privacy seriously. On My Bisexual Secret you go by a username, your profile shows only your nearest town or city, nobody sees your real name or email address, and VIP billing keeps the site’s name off your bank statement. That keeps your business away from your boss, your neighbours and the family group chat.
It is not a plan for the two of you. What you tell your partner is your decision, and so are the consequences. If you are exploring together or within agreed rules, privacy simply means the rest of the world does not need to know. Read how we keep members safe for everything that stays hidden.
Look After Your Health, and Theirs
If you do meet someone, use condoms, get tested regularly at a sexual health clinic, and be honest with any partner about it. Our guide to your first bi experience covers the practical side, from the first chat to the first meet.
The Questions People Ask Quietly
Is it normal to be bi curious when you have a partner?
Yes. Many people notice an attraction to more than one gender years after settling down with one partner. It does not mean the two of you are finished or that you have to act on it.
Is being bi curious cheating?
No. A feeling is not cheating. What counts as cheating depends on what you and your partner have agreed, which is why talking about it matters before anything happens.
How do I tell my partner I am bi curious?
Pick a calm moment, start with what has not changed, be clear about what you are asking for, and give them time to think before you expect an answer.
Can my partner and I join My Bisexual Secret together?
Yes. Choose Couple when you join and you share one profile, then choose whether you want to meet men, women, other couples or any mix.