Guide
Am I Bisexual? Signs and Questions to Ask Yourself
No quiz and no score, just honest questions to think through.
Only you can say whether you are bisexual, and no quiz or test can decide it for you. Being bi means you can be attracted to more than one gender, and that attraction doesn’t have to be equal, constant or acted on. If the question keeps coming back, the ten prompts below will help you think it through.
A Definition With Room for You
Robyn Ochs puts it like this on her own website:
“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge in myself the potential to be attracted, romantically and/or sexually, to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree.”
Read the end of that sentence twice. You can lean one way and still be bi, have only ever dated one gender, or feel it differently for men and for women. The word is about potential, not a scorecard.
How to Tell If You Are Bisexual: 10 Honest Questions
There are no right answers and nothing to add up. Notice which ones make you pause.
- When you picture someone you fancy, is it always the same gender, or does it change?
- Have you had a crush on someone of your own gender that felt like more than admiration?
- Do your daydreams and fantasies feature more than one gender?
- If nobody would ever find out, would you want to kiss someone of a gender you have never been with?
- Have you ever told yourself “everyone feels like this” to shut a thought down?
- Is the pull physical, emotional or both, and is it the same for every gender?
- Has who you are drawn to shifted over the years, or stayed steady?
- When you read the word bisexual, do you feel relief, recognition, worry or not much at all?
- What scares you about the answer: the feeling itself, or what other people might think?
- If you tried the word on in private for a week, how would it sit with you?
If several made you stop and think, that is worth knowing. If none did, that is worth knowing too. Either way, the answer is yours, and it is allowed to change.
Before Online Quizzes: The Kinsey Scale and Klein Grid
Long before anyone built an am I bisexual quiz, researchers tried to map attraction on paper. Two of their maps are still in use.
The Kinsey Scale, 1948
The Kinsey Institute calls it the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale. It first appeared in Sexual Behavior in the Human Male in 1948, the study by Alfred Kinsey, Wardell Pomeroy and Clyde Martin, and was used again in the 1953 companion volume on women. It runs from 0, exclusively heterosexual, to 6, exclusively homosexual, with an extra category, X, for “no socio-sexual contacts or reactions”. Rather than sort people into fixed boxes, the researchers built the scale from what participants said about their sexual activity and interests.
The Klein Grid, 1978
Dr Fritz Klein introduced the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid in his 1978 book The Bisexual Option. It goes further than Kinsey by taking in past experiences and future desires, along with social and emotional factors, to highlight how attraction can shift. According to Wikipedia’s account, it rates seven things: sexual attraction, sexual behaviour, sexual fantasies, emotional preference, social preference, lifestyle preference and self-identification. Bi.org has an online version that scores each one for the past, the last 12 months and your ideal future.
Both are maps, not verdicts. Like any quiz, they can describe a pattern, but they can’t tell you what to call yourself.
Keeping It Private? You Are Far From Alone
If you know you are bi but have told few people, or nobody, you have plenty of company. A 2019 Pew Research Center analysis found that only 19% of Americans who identify as bisexual said all or most of the important people in their lives knew, and 26% were not out to any of them. Pew’s 2013 survey had put the figure at 28%, with bi men far less likely to be out than bi women, at 12% against 33%.
It is not just an American story. Stonewall’s 2018 research in Britain found that three in ten bi men could not be open about their sexual orientation with any of their friends.
Private is a choice you are allowed to make, for as long as you like. On My Bisexual Secret, other members know you by the username you pick, and your profile places you no closer than your nearest town or city.
Found Your Answer, or Still Wondering?
There is no deadline. Still wondering? Our guide to what bi curious means may fit better for now. Weighing up words? Bisexual vs pansexual compares the two. And when you want to talk to people who have asked the same questions, bi curious dating lets you start with a chat and nothing more.
Questions You Might Be Asking Yourself
Is there a test to tell if I am bisexual?
No test can decide it for you. The Kinsey scale and the Klein grid describe patterns of attraction and behaviour, but the word you use is yours to choose, and you can change it later.
Can you be bisexual if you have only been with one gender?
Yes. Bisexuality is about attraction, and Robyn Ochs’ definition talks about the potential to be attracted. Experience is not a requirement.
Can you be bisexual and prefer one gender?
Yes. Ochs’ definition says attraction need not come at the same time, in the same way or to the same degree, so leaning one way still counts.
Why am I bisexual?
You don’t need a reason. Straight people are rarely asked to explain themselves, and you can use the word without finding a cause first.
Can you realise you are bisexual later in life?
Yes. The Bisexual Resource Center says bisexual people’s attractions may change over time, and Fritz Klein built his grid to capture that movement, scoring the past, the present and an ideal future.
Try the Word On, in Private
Tag yourself Bisexual or Bicurious, change it whenever you like and talk to people who have wondered the same.
Join free