Guide
Your First Bi Experience: How to Make It a Good One
From the first message to the morning after, at your own pace.
A good first bi experience starts before you meet. Choose someone who knows it is your first time, chat until you feel sure of them, meet somewhere public first, agree what you would both like, and remember either of you can stop at any point. Take condoms and water-based lube, and get tested afterwards.
Find Someone Who Wants Your First Time to Go Well
The right first partner is patient, kind and clear about what they want. Someone experienced can put you at ease; someone just as new means neither of you has to pretend.
Either way, tell them it is your first time. Put First Time Encounter on your profile, add Discreet Meets if privacy matters most, and look out for members tagged Experienced meets. A blue tick means someone has passed a free ID check. Curious about men? Men seeking men covers first m4m meets. Bisexual hookups suits something casual, and bi curious dating is there if you are still deciding.
Chat First, and Talk About What You Would Like
Messages are where you find out whether you click and whether you trust them, so take your time. Cover:
- what you would like to try, and what you would rather not;
- whether it is a one-off or something you might repeat;
- when you were each last tested, and that condoms are a given;
- what each of you needs kept private, from names to photos.
Keep the chat on the site until you trust them; you’ll get an alert if someone tries to shift the conversation off the site, to WhatsApp for instance.
The First Meet: Public, Short and Easy to Leave
Make it a drink or a coffee somewhere busy: you can check the spark is real, with an easy way out if it isn’t. Our safety page has more tips.
Before You Leave the House
- Tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to be home.
- Charge your phone and plan your own way there and back.
- Pack condoms and water-based lube, just in case.
- Have a kind line ready to end the evening, such as “This was lovely, but I’m going to head off.”
- Keep a clear enough head to enjoy it and make your own choices.
Go at Your Own Pace
Consent is a conversation that carries on all evening: ask, listen and check in, especially when one of you is new. Either of you can slow down or stop at any point, without giving a reason. A first time doesn’t have to mean everything, either. A long kiss and a promise to meet again counts.
Peace of Mind: Condoms, PrEP and Testing
The facts below come from the NHS, plus the US CDC; outside the UK, ask a local sexual health clinic what is on offer.
- Condoms. The NHS says “condoms are the most effective protection against HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs)”. Use water-based lube: oil-based products such as Vaseline or baby oil can make condoms break or tear.
- Testing. “Many STIs have no symptoms”, says the NHS, and they can take up to 7 weeks to show up on a test. NHS sexual health clinics see anyone, without charge and in confidence. The CDC puts it simply: “You and your partner should get tested and share your results.”
- PrEP. The CDC calls it “medicine (pills or shots) that reduces your chance of getting HIV”, and daily pills take about one to three weeks to reach full protection, depending on the kind of sex. In England, sexual health clinics provide it on the NHS without charge.
- PEP. If a condom splits or you think you have been exposed to HIV, the NHS says to get this emergency medicine within 72 hours, from a sexual health clinic or A&E.
- DoxyPEP. A dose of the antibiotic doxycycline taken after sex to lower the chance of syphilis and chlamydia. The British Association for Sexual Health and HIV has recommended it since June 2025 for some gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men at higher risk of syphilis, and the CDC published US guidance in June 2024. Ask your clinic whether it suits you.
With a woman, protection still matters: the CDC says herpes and trichomonas can pass between female partners, and HPV likely can too. Men who have sex with men can ask an NHS sexual health clinic about the HPV vaccine, offered up to their 46th birthday.
How You Might Feel Afterwards
Elated, shaky, relieved, or all three within an hour: all normal. Some people want to do it again by the weekend; others need a week to think. Give it a few days before deciding what it meant. If anything happened that you did not agree to, report the member from inside the site, where support is on hand day and night by chat and messaging.
What If It Wasn’t for You?
Then you found something out, which is what curiosity is for, and you owe nobody an explanation. Was it the experience or the person? A first time with someone you didn’t quite click with can fall flat, and the next can feel completely different. Or once may simply have been enough.
Nervous? Read These First
How do I start if I’m bi curious?
Make a profile, choose Bicurious or First Time Encounter among your tags and enjoy a few relaxed chats. When one feels right, suggest a drink somewhere public.
Should I tell them it’s my first time?
Yes. It sets the pace for you both, and anyone who loses interest because you are new was never right for a first time.
Can my first bi experience be with a couple?
Yes. Couples on My Bisexual Secret share one profile, so you know from the first message that you would be meeting two people. Chat with both of them first, and agree together what you are all up for.
What if I change my mind on the day?
Then you stop, or you don’t go. Agreeing to something in a message is not a promise, and anyone worth meeting will understand.
Ready When You Are
Make a profile, add First Time Encounter and let the right person find you.
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